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The decision to consider adoption is the beginning of a process that you control. Nothing legal or binding can be done prior to the birth of your baby.

As you make your decision a few questions for you to consider are:

Adoption - Ten Most Asked Questions

1. How can adoption benefit me?
   If you are not ready to be a parent, you can still give your baby the gift of life and choose adoption. You can plan your baby's future by selecting a stable, loving family to care for your baby and be proud of your decision. At birth you can see your baby, name your baby, love your baby. If you so choose, you can get updates on your child's progress while you continue your education and career goals. Finally, you avoid the trauma and heartache of abortion.

2. Can I place my baby with a family of my choice?
   YES! With most agencies you can choose a family friend, acquaintance, or someone who has been recommended to you even in another state. Or you can choose from parents screened by your adoption agency who have been waiting to become parents.

3. How much contact can I have with my baby after birth and after adoption?
   You may have as much contact with your baby at the hospital as is comfortable for you. You can choose an open adoption that allows ongoing visits, or you can choose a less open adoption where your updates come through your letter and pictures arranged through your agency. Adoptive families respect your need to know your child is well cared for.

4. How soon after birth can my baby go to the parents I choose?
   This depends on:

   • Your choice of when this should happen

   • The legal aspects of the adoption

   • The cooperation of the birth father

   Many birth mothers want their baby placed by the time they leave the hospital. Some prefer to place their baby in interim care while they think through their adoption decision.

5. How much will my child know about me?
   We encourage you to pass on medical and social history to your child. You may choose to share your identity and where you live with the adoptive family. Or, if you have an open adoption, your child and adoptive family can have ongoing access to you and what's happening in your life.

6. Does the father have any rights?
   The birth father's rights are equal to yours. If you disagree on adoption, or you no longer have a relationship with him, your agency will work with the court to determine if his rights can be terminated.

7. Will my child have information about her/his birth father?
   This depends on his cooperation with you and the adoption agency. Some birth fathers give full social and medical history, realizing how important it is for your child to have this. At other times, only the information you give will be passed on.

8. Can my child find me if he/she wants to search someday?
   At the time of the adoption, you can choose to have an open file to your child. If you do, he/she will have access to your identity and your agency will assist in the search. If you choose a closed adoption, your identity will remain anonymous.

9. How can I be sure my child will not be abused or neglected?
   Adoptive families approved by an agency must meet standards that will be shared with you. In an open adoption you will see for yourself how well your child is valued and cared for.

10. Do I need an attorney or do I pay my agency to assist me with adoption?
    You do not need an attorney and there are no costs to you. Your adoption agency handles all legal details on your behalf. Most important, your agency knows your decision was not an easy one to make and will continue to be available to you if you so choose.

Five Myths About Adoption (And the facts every person who is considering adoption needs to know.)

MYTH: The birthmother will regret her decision for the rest of her life.
Adoption is so painful that most women regret the choice all their lives; a birthmother who chooses adoption will have serious emotional problems; adoption is a more traumatic experience for a woman than abortion.

FACT #1: For the birthparent facing an unplanned pregnancy, making an adoption plan can be very positive.
Adoption does involve a major loss for a birthmother. However, each option she can choose involves some gain and some loss. With support and counseling, most birthmothers who chose adoption based on the best interests of their child and selves are able to make it through the grieving process in a positive manner. A study in 1988 found that teen mothers who chose adoption for their children were as satisfied with their decision as those who chose to parent. When the adoption experience is handled properly, many birthmothers feel good about their decision years later. There exists no research that compares the trauma experienced by women who have chosen abortion to those who have chosen adoption.

MYTH: Birthmothers are uncaring and soon forget about their babies.
A birthmother who cares about her child would not think of adoption; adoption is an irresponsible solution. Pregnant women who choose adoption take the easy way out. A birthmother will eventually forget about the child she placed in adoption.

FACT #2: Birthparents make loving parenting decisions when they plan adoption.
Birthparents who make adoption plans are fulfilling their parenting responsibilities to make sure their child's long-term needs are met in the best possible way. In order to do this, they must put their child's needs above their own, a sign of maturity, responsibility and selflessness. Adoption is by no means taking the easy way out. It is a difficult decision, and young women, especially, need to be supported in this decision by those around them. Some young women facing unplanned pregnancies have found it helpful to learn about adoption first-hand through a birthparent who has been through the process. Birthmothers never forget their children. They always hold a special place in their hearts.

MYTH: Adoption damages the child.
Adopted children are not well-adjusted; have mental health problems; are damaged by the experience; will grow up to have serious psychological problems; feel bitter or rejected.

FACT #3: Adopted children do well in life.
A study was conducted in the 1990's of over 700 teenagers who had been adopted as infants. The study, the largest ever of adopted teens and their families, looked at all kinds of indicators of well-being. Among other things, it found these teens:

• Benefited from lots of support from the family, friends, and others

• Were involved in many positive, structured youth activities such as sports, music, congregational youth programs, and community organizations

• Saw themselves as being as strong as their peers in personal identity and self-esteem

• Showed high levels of caring values and behaviors such as volunteering
  Other studies confirm these positive findings on adopted children and their families.

MYTH: Most adoptive parents are unfit.
Adoptive parents are not as fit to raise a child as its biological parents; no one can love a child as much as a birthparent; God is punishing childless couples or sending a message that they should not be parents; adoptive parents are abusive.

FACT #4: For the birthparent facing an unplanned pregnancy
TV shows frequently portray adoptive parents as cruel and unfeeling, and abusive adoptive parents seem to make headlines in the newspapers. Actually, adoptive parents are more carefully screened and are more mature (usually older) on the whole than parents chosen by biological lottery. They really want to be parents or they would not jump through the many hoops necessary to adopt. And the research shows that their children turn out just as well as non-adopted children.

While we must not downplay the tragedy of child abuse, there is absolutely no evidence to suggest that it occurs particularly or even frequently in adoptive families. In fact, there is evidence to the contrary. This is a dangerous myth which needlessly perpetuates birthparents' worries, and many times deters them from considering adoption at all. There are many examples of parents who have built their families through adoption. The overwhelming majority cannot imagine loving a child or children more than the ones God has given them through adoption.

MYTH: The adoption process is secretive.
A birthmother will never know anything about her child and his or her adoptive parents; adoptive parents know very little about their child's background; birthparents have no say in the choice of adoptive parents.

FACT #5: The adoption process today seeks to share information on a level that will benefit all - birthparents, adoptive parents, and most importantly, the child.
Virtually all agencies today consult with birthparents to determine what type of family they would select. Many agencies provide the birthparents with family profiles from which they may choose. As birthmothers request, pictures, letters and mementos can be shared for a time after placement. Today's practice also shares all available non-identifying background information about the child's past with the adoptive parents. This can include the birthparent's family and medical history, physical descriptions, and personal information.

Today it is rare for a child not to be aware of how he came into his family. the agonizing over "telling a child he was adopted" of days' past seems to have let to the myth that adoption was something bad to tell about. Today, details of how a child came into the family are shared from day one, in age-appropriate ways that stress love, permanence, and respect for the birthparents who made such a difficult and loving choice to give their child a family.